Rain Boots

Two days in a row of rain in NYC and I'm ready for some weather change.  Don't get me wrong, I love the rain.  I love dancing in the rain, I love the rainbows that come after the rain, I love being stuck inside a basement during a tornado-watch with 60 campers and 4 staff members having to hide from them the fact that all of their luggage and clothing we promised would be stored safely got moldy over the summer in the rain, and I love dressing for the rain.  A staple in my summer wardrobe has always been rain boots.  You simply cannot survive 2 months in Palmer, MA (one of the best places on earth) without them.  Rain boots make me feel invincible, like nothing can or will stop me from splashing through any puddle I choose.  And this summer as I prepare for my first in 17 years (except for that one summer I spent in the Barnard Pre-College Program, shoutout to Mira who's going in 2 weeks!) that I won't be at Camp Ramah in New England, I realized that I just may not need to buy new rain boots.

N11V Staff Prepares for a Rainy Shabbat

My anxiety about not going back to camp this summer is at an all time high.  I've never lived in an apartment with a 26-year-old Israeli guy before.  I've never commuted to school, had to re-learn a language, been nervous about making friends (especially now that a good friend tells me that he really doesn't get to go out while staffing a Pilgrimage tour group in the summer like I thought he did), and I've never packed for the summer in a mere suitcase and a carry-on.  The rain brings back so many memories at camp- hours of staying up late with bestfriends, even more hours on staff planing programs making those friendships strengthen beyond bunk-mates into respect as programmers and educators.  Packing ridiculous clothes for activities (will I need multi-colored leggings in Israel?!), making Kimah (wake up) and Nikayon (cleaning time) playlists, having heartfelt conversations with 16 year olds some of who will be at my wedding some day, and passing out at night knowing that I made a girl more confident, a boy try something different, a group of people connect to Judaism in a new way.

Most of all, as the rain drops tap on my window, is the fear that comes with the knowledge that camp goes on without me.  That kids will be having amazing summers, my co counselors will become someone else's cos, and my Rosh Edah who has guided me for two years and become a real friend will develop meaningful relationships with other staff members, even more meaningful than ours.  That life continues and I won't be there to be part of that magical place that builds confidence, inspires Judaism, and creates everlasting friendships.  A rain-less summer in Israel means a camp-less summer for me.  And who isn't just a little afraid of the great outdoors?  I know I am.

I walked home from meeting Maya in the 70s where I picked up the keys to the apartment in Jerusalem I will be sub-letting from her, feet splashing through the puddles with nothing but flip-flops to protect them.  I am excited to say that I won't need a pair of rain boots to bring to Israel this summer.  I will need something new to ground me for the adventures ahead, and new is oftentimes scary and uncomfortable.  New takes familiarity and changes it into memory.  But that shift opens up room for a different thing to become familiar, and who says that I can't do anything to make it less uncomfortable?  There are no puddles in the hot desert summer for me to wear rain boots, they just don't fit into this summer.  Perhaps a new pair of sneakers to help support me through walking around cities, foreign and familiar, is just the type of footing I need.  They can guide me to invincibility in a new way, hiking mountains and walking through crowded streets like a real Yerushalmi (person who lives in Jerusalem).  My summers of rain boots are being placed aside, and you all know it's never easy to put something in a closet for a season.  But with new kicks I am beginning to prepare for something different and follow my feet to a new type of experience.  And who knows, those rain boots don't have to stay in the closet forever....